Do you shape shift under pressure?

Halloween is a time of transformation, at a time when the veil between our world and the next is thinnest. And somewhere in the darkness, the kindly, benevolent person transforms under a full moon into something far less savoury.

There’s a truth to these stories that contributes to them being so exciting, and it’s not a truth about monsters and werewolves. It’s a truth about ourselves - even if we’d prefer not to admit it - that we each have the potential to transform into something far less pleasant than our best self.

It might not require a full moon, but under the right conditions, we can lose our usual composure, kindness, generosity, or curiosity, and become a new person who is less patient, more defensive, more controlling, or even aggressive. All it might take is the wrong comment, a roll of the eyes in a meeting, or a little too much stress for a little too long.

Identifying your shadow side

Carl Jung described the shadow as aspects of ourselves that sit outside our conscious awareness. Qualities we find unacceptable, feelings we’d rather not acknowledge, or parts of our personality that don’t fit with the person we believe ourselves to be. We all have these aspects, and hence we all have a shadow. The person who prides themselves on being calm may have a considerable capacity for anger.  The leader who sees themselves as empowering may have a less visible need for control.

Our shadow is also why we can become easily irritated by other people’s stubbornness, arrogance, obstructiveness, whilst being blind to our own. If we’re bold enough to ask trusted friends or colleagues for real, honest feedback, we might find out that we ourselves possess exactly the qualities we most dislike in other people.

This won’t always be the case, of course, but if we find we have a particularly strong aversion to somebody, it’s well worth asking ourselves ‘what might this reaction be telling me about myself?’

Why we shapeshift under pressure

 The shadow doesn’t emerge because we’re bad people. It often appears when we start to lose our capacity to manage ourselves.

Under pressure, with a little too much cortisol in the brain, our capacity to pause, reflect, and choose our response weakens. The version of ourselves we want to be can give way to something more instinctive and reactive. And because these reactions feel convincingly justified in the moment, we often don’t even know that it’s happening until afterwards, when we return to composure.

‘If they want to be blunt, then so will I.'

‘I wouldn’t have reacted that way if they hadn’t…’

These are often the justifications we make in the moment that our best self doesn't stand behind upon reflection. They may well contain some truth, but they also stop us from seeing our own contribution to what’s happening.

The power of acknowledging your shadow

Interestingly, the more we acknowledge our shadow aspects (acknowledging our capacity for good and harm), the less likely we are to act on our negative impulses. But if we pretend those thoughts aren’t there and try to prove to ourselves that we’re only good, the shadow doesn’t vanish. In fact, it can build more energy and come out with a bang - or we convince ourselves that it belongs to someone else.

Think of a time when you’ve been under sustained pressure, or when a curveball caught you off guard, and then a colleague is abrupt, rude, or unreasonable. How did you respond? In fact, did you respond, or did you react?

Perhaps this is one of the more important thresholds in our personal development, and it’s one that separates us from the shape-shifters, werewolves and monsters. We have the capacity to self-reflect and to manage our reactions, rather than being condemned to repeat them. We might feel the urge, but we can choose whether to step over the threshold of action.

This often requires a good degree of self-awareness and self-management. As Jung said, the more conscious we become of our shadow, the less we tend to be driven by it. We notice irritation before it becomes an outburst, our want for control before it shuts down someone else’s contribution, our defensiveness before it becomes a battle we need to win. We don’t choose our feelings, but we can choose how we act on them.

What shapeshifting means for leadership

If you’re a leader, this is incredibly important. People appreciate the qualities you demonstrate when you’re in good form, but they will often judge you on how you behave when the pressure is on, when your authority is challenged, or when things don’t go your way.

Working with your shadow takes self-honesty, humility, and responsibility. It requires being willing to hear how others experience us, to notice the patterns we repeat, and to repair things when we fall short of our own standards.

Halloween reminds us that beneath the surface of the person we believe ourselves to be, lie other potentialities (some positive, courageous and creative, others darker and less comfortable to acknowledge). The challenge is to come to know ourselves well enough that we’re able to remain in control of which version shows up. Even under a full moon.