Emotional Intelligence and self-regulation: the key to optimal mindsets

In the fast-paced, high-pressure world of leadership, the ability to manage emotions and self-regulate is crucial for maintaining effective mindsets. Emotional intelligence (EI) and self-management are the cornerstones of staying composed, especially when triggered by a challenging situation or person. Without these tools, we lose our ability to choose wise responses and become reactive. 

Have you ever had the experience of looking back on a difficult conversation with a colleague or customer, thinking, “Oh no, I did it again!”? Maybe you could even hear the words coming out of your mouth, but couldn’t stop them in time. 

If this sounds familiar, be kind to yourself; everyone experiences this. It’s part of being human. 

Why do leaders sometimes struggle to self-regulate emotions? 

In moments of difficult conversations, we lose our optimal mindset and become triggered. We lose the ability to respond effectively and, instead, react impulsively, driven by something beyond our control in the heat of the moment. Why does this happen? A rush of cortisol floods our brain, caused by a situation that temporarily activates our fight, flight, or freeze response. 

But here’s why it’s crucial… When we react impulsively, we’re no longer in control. We become driven by emotions rather than guided by thoughtful choices. We’ve all been there. Frustration or stress takes over, and we lash out, cave in or shut down. In those moments, we lose the opportunity to choose our mindset and our best self. Our emotions take over, leading us to respond in ways that don’t serve us, our teams or our outcomes. 

 

Switching from reactivity to regulation  

This loss of composure brings to mind Viktor Frankl’s profound insight:

"True freedom is found not in being driven by external forces, but in the space between stimulus and response. Frankl suggests that our power of choice lies in this space."

From here, we can shift from a reactive, driven mindset to one of responsibility and control. 

This is critical for leaders and teams. To choose optimal mindsets, we need a base level of EI, the ability to self-reflect, not just ‘on action (retrospectively)’ but ‘in action.’  

To do this, we need to learn our triggers and find ways to press pause, step back, and consciously choose a response. It’s not always easy, especially when emotions run high, but it’s essential. If we can pause, assess the situation, and choose a wise response, we can navigate difficult circumstances with clarity and purpose. 

Self-management is about noticing emotions and managing them effectively, before we react.  

When we consistently choose to act in alignment with our values, even when it’s hard, people see us as consistent, steady, and walking our talk. Only then can we maintain the mindsets that drive success, resilience, and long-term progress. If you’re ready to challenge your thinking, elevate your leadership, and transform your results, we’re prepared to help. Contact Fraser if you think coaching could help you or a colleague.